Mrs. Joudrey’s Cat is now uploaded after mediation between lawyers representing Rufus and myself. I have agreed in writing that the cat mentioned is entirely a work of fiction and all similarities to cats living or deceased is merely whimsey. He has agreed, in return, to leave my garden intact…Have a listen!
Mrs. Joudrey’s Cat
Out there in the dark, there’s a malevolent spark
Striking terror in the whole community
Mrs. Joudrey’s unaware. I bet she doesn’t care
that her cat is threatening all our sanity…
Have you heard his evil purring, have you seen his shape, a blurring
Mrs. Joudrey’s cat out on his nightly prowl
His claws are sharp and longish, his head: shaped rather gongish,
and all night through; his sleep depriving howl
In the morning, out your door, something foreign on the floor
then you slip and slide and wind up on your back
something red and something green, a kidney or a spleen,
All courtesy of Mrs. Joudrey’s cat
I’d like to make a hat out of Mrs. Joudrey’s cat
Then I’d wander through the town, O, what a spree!
With Joudrey’s cat upon my brow, I would be the cat’s meow
And everyone would think the world of me
I wouldn’t use a gun, oh, that wouldn’t be as fun, no
As planning his demise in cunning ways
Perhaps some headphones to get started on our soon to be departed
playing nothing but ‘Metallica’ for days
In a pair of rubber pants, honey and red ants
That’s an interesting stimulant I’ve found
Then seal him in a pail and send it through the mail
That’s the way to show you’re not just foolin’ round
I would like to make a hat out of Mrs. Joudrey’s cat
Then I’d wander through the town, O, what a spree!
With Joudrey’s cat upon my brow, I would be the cat’s meow
Then everyone would think the world of me
(Don’t say you haven’t thought about it!)
Everyone would think the world of me
Reid Campbell 2012
for ‘RUBY ZWICKER’S RECIPE FOR HODGEPODGE’